do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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