Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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