Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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