Just took my morning after pill in the library
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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