Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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