I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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