True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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