This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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