Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize