Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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