have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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