I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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