So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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