I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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