He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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