i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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