My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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