Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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