I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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