Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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