I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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