Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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