Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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