it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize