You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize