I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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