guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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