My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize