I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
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who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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