I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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