Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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