i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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