you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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