i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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