Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize