Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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