I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
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I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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