I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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