I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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