Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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