Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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