if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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