Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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