She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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