Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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