I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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