I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize