i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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