The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize