I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize